You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
