In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
