i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
