Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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