Midget sex pt 2 tonight
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize