It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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