I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize