He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
