I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
only if we run a train.
done.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize