I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
