PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
