i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
