his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He better not be in your backpack
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
