No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
