also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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