as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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