I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
