he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize