wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
