My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
