u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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