I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
