When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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