dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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