so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
