the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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