people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
handjob tips. give me some.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
