Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
