A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
