he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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