dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
