all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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