I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
