i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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