We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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