Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize