Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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