That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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