Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
