so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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