he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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