his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
