You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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