32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
