Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
