the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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