no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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