Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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