woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
