What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
