One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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