hotel room ftw
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
