I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
