My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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