I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
