It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
someone owes me an orgasm
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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