she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
