I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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