Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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