remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize