Where did you get a picture of my penis
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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