I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
