This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
