one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
