dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
