I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
