they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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