I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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