It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
