mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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