there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
