Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
