Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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