this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
