; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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