Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize