The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
