So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
