Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
