He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
