I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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