I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
