as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
