the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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