Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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