the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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