speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
