I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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