I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
