He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
