So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
