I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize