and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
