He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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