anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
