I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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