dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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