do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
