I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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