Is it normal to miss your booty call?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
