yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
